Is Pesh Crazy???

I've been dealing with some issues, lately.. I feel like "The Box" has come back with a vengeance. The funny thing is that trying to live inside the box feels most normal.. most familiar.. But eventually some aspect of that "..in the box-life" has me feeling like Michael Douglas in Falling Down..

I guess what I'm trying to say is that "The Box" is not all bad.. I mean it gives me a chance to connect with people.. My family.. and friends.. and the rest of the small percentage of "Box Dwellers" I can still tolerate.. But seriously, after living my whole life in a world full of people who are being told what to do, how to live, and how to think.. and realizing that I don't want to be part of that population anymore.. I need to understand that almost everything I do.. every thought I have.. everything that my life represents, from now on.. Will be different from that of nearly every person I know, have known, or will know.. This sounds very lonely to me.. Last year, the thought of that loneliness was nearly crippling.. Today, it seems like living a life that is essentially "alone" ..does not have to be "lonely". The more I think about it, I am surrounded by people, at all times.. So how can I every really be "lonely"? I just need to understand that the boundaries of "The Box" are very real and that I won't be able to stretch very far outside whatever "Box" I have allowed someone to place me in.. When and if it ever becomes necessary to change "boxes", possibly to move up to a higher "box", I need to remember that I will always be measured according to the first "box" I came in..

Anyway, to answer my original question.. "Is Pesh Crazy?" ..All I can say is that trying to live inside the box.. while it made more sense, and seemed more familiar.. Seemed totally crazy to me. At the same time, I feel like any attempt to explain how and why I plan to live "outside-the-box" would most certainly land me a stay in a padded room.. I don't know.. Seems like I'd have to be "crazy" to follow either path.. but that's just me..