SWV "Rain" Sample Instrumental Remake (2014) Hip Hop Beat

Nicely produced sample beat…

Just Do It...

So simple.. so concise.. Probably the best marketing campaign I'll see in my lifetime.. JUST DO IT... That's like the perfect answer to just about ANY question you can think of...

Anyway, getting to the point… You must remember to take action.. keep it moving.. do SOMETHING.. Anything?? Yes.. ANYTHING.. So long as it gets you even the tiniest bit closer to your goal...

SKRILLEX BETTER THAN SKRILLEX 2

This is something a little different.. but very cool from a "performance" point of view.." The title IS a little misleading, though...

Comedian Marshall Brandon Stand Up New York Set

Starstruck..?? WTF???

Yesterday, I worked a show at the Albany, GA Civic Center. Yesterday was the first time I've ever been star-struck.. I'm still a little too embarrassed to tell the story.. So I found this video clip that comes pretty close...

Ok.. ok.. maybe I didn't pass out. But my behavior was still unacceptable.. in the given situation...

Who was it that turned me.. the silver-tongued-sweet-bishop-magic-don-pesh.. into a bumbling idiot?? Jay-Z..? Oprah Winfrey? Kimbo Slice??? ..No, it was Earthquake... Yes, Earthquake.. Yes, the comedian...

Anyway, let me stop beating around the bush... My "starstruck" incident amounted to this.. I was working audio for a comedy show in Albany, GA. At some point, during the show, one of my co-workers was asking me who was up next. Just as I turned to tell him "...Earthquake" I look up and see the man standing right behind him.. Let's just say it caught me off-guard.. I mean here before me was someone I'd seen on TV since I was like 14.. watching Def Jam in the middle of the night, so I didn't get caught. Anyway, what happened afterwards is still a little foggy..

...According to my co-worker, I walked up to Earthquake.. shook his hand.. and started reciting random punch-lines.. without even giving the set-up.. and they were ALL kinds of jokes, from Knock-Knock.. to A Man from Nantucket.. all the way to punchlines belonging to Earthquake, himself..

Skip forward to 7:46 "..I wanna put my air.. In my momma name" ...LOL

Addition by Subtraction...

Building on the money as an allusion concept.. It should also reason that the more You try to give away.. the more will be returned back to you.

Eddie Murphy - Red Light ft. Snoop Lion

Redman - I'll Bee Dat

Classic Redman!!!

Dwayne Perkins - Technology Sucks (Stand Up Comedy)

Fantastic Fridays

Today, I worked the second event in a series that spans six consecutive weeks.. and is collectively called Fantastic Fridays.

Last week I had the pleasure of doing sound for a three-piece Irish Folk Band.. complete with a real-live "River-Dancer". There were harps, and bag pipes, and a smoking-hot-girl in clogs hopping around, on stage... I mean.. What MORE can I say? Right??

This week was something totally different.. although equally entertaining. Today, I was a tech for a one-woman-shadow-puppet-show called, Fish and Ships...

I must admit, when they told me I was working a puppet show.. I pictured a lonely-old-man hiding behind a naked light bulb making obscene gestures at children... I could NOT have been more wrong. The show was engaging and entertaining... I laughed.. I cried (..oh poor little "inchworm") and ran through the gamut of emotions.. Not to mention the fact that the puppet-master was quite the "..sight for sore-eyes"...

It turned out to be a "Fantastic Friday" after all.. I wonder what the next one will bring???

Mario is Crazy!

Today, I was introduced to the most interesting person that has crossed my path, since I met that female in the library who claimed to be both, a genius and a billionaire. His name is Mario Balotelli.. and while we didn't share any life-altering moments.. or meaningful memories.. I feel that this event will easily fall into both categories, before long.

It all started.. like so many other events, in life.. with a beautiful woman...

It was some story about.. Well who really cares what it was about.. THAT pretty lady right there is the only reason ANYbody clicked on that article.. Anyway, at the time I didn't know Mario Balotelli, but after many minutes of random Google searches.. I'd say now I know him at least as well as a distant cousin...

One of my random searches led to this video clip...

The more I got to know Super Mario.. the more I wondered if he was really "Crazy" at all.. I mean he's branded himself as the kind of guy that will do anyTHING at any TIME.. He does whatever the F#%k he wants, when he wants to do it.. because he has the power (and means) to do so... Living Life withOUT Limits.. I guess that's what we call CRAZY now-a-days???

Ruff Sqwad - Mario Balotelli - Official Video

Rhetorical Elephant Questions?

I asked a co-worker for career advice the other day.. However, because of my afore-mentioned "Selective ADD" by the time he started speaking, I had already found a new topic of interest.. probably Kim Kardashian's poor album sales.. or some other nonsense... He was, however, able to regain my attention when he immediately and without warning switched to a topic that I am most certainly interested in... FOOD!!!

"How do you eat an elephant..?" ..He queried... Before I could excitedly shout.. "Braised, smothered in white-cream sauce.. with sautéed asparagus..." ..Not only did he answer the question, HIMSELF.. He also, immediately and without warning, switched subjects BACK to the monotonous techno-babble.

Really?? I mean.. the nerve of some people.. How you gone get a "leopard-choking-happy-little-fat-kid" all excited about the prospect of eating "Braised Elephant a la Giada" and then fail to pony-up?? I mean what's up with that???

Black Men Crying??

..At least I think that was the name of that Michael Baisden book from back in the day.. I read it, and I remember liking it, but I can't remember what it's about...

Anyway.. Yesterday, I mentioned something about Jerry Maguire.. How much I liked it.. How they should'a cast me for that Cuba Gooding, Jr. role.. and so on and so forth.. What I did NOT mention was that Jerry Maguire was the first time I had to lie about my "contacts being dry" because I was far too much of a MAN to let my eyes get watery in public.

This morning I posted something on Twitter about how my next project would be based on the instrumental from Kendrick Lamar - The Recipe.. Researching that project led me to this video clip...

Ehhhh.. Can you excuse me a moment.. my contacts are acting up?? That must have been an amazing thing to watch.. like all the West Coast hip-hop legends putting their blessing on one dude.. Wow.. I think I feel another "contact-malfunction" coming on...

I think I'm Losin' It

Today was not a good day.. Today was like one of those.. this can't be my life, I'm really watching "The Twilight Zone" on Bizarro World at the bottom of a rabbit hole.. days. I really can't explain it.. I know I'm being way too hard on myself.. but I don't think a single thing went right today..

Ok.. feeling better now.. I think I have Selective ADD.. I mean I DO have ALL the symptoms.. The symptoms I made up.. The symptoms I tried to write down.. but couldn't stay focussed enough to complete the task.. Which, strangely enough, was the symptom I was writing down when my brain immediately switched to something else...

I think I'll watch Jerry Maguire tonight..

Yes, Mr. Tom Cruise look-a-like.. I too, love this movie.. You are a beacon of light to all out there who have ever wanted to lay naked in the tub covered in copies of this classic.. but were way too cowardly to comply...

5 Lessons from a Crackhead

Say what you want about poor life choices.. lack of self-control.. and/or the perceived inability to contribute to society. I have long held the belief that there are lessons to be learned from ANY person or circumstance.. and now I would like give a proverbial

5. "Multi-Tasking" is usually a BAD idea

Multitasking can reduce productivity by up to

I Wanna Be Rich...

"I wanna be rich..." Although considered a horrible goal by S.M.A.R.T. standards is still a sentiment most have shared, at some point in their lives.. Unfortunate, for most, though.. is the fact that "rich" doesn't exist in the real world.

Star Gazing...

Working my way through the original Star Wars: Special Edition on VHS.. Yes, I said VHS.. As in, on a VCR.. On an "old-school", "fat-back" television.. That's right, no fancy-flat-screen-smart-tv that can control everything in your house, including the coffee maker, for me.. No Sir.. not in my crib.

Anyway, back to my original point.. I'm watching Star Wars.. and I'm finding myself asking a few questions that never occurred to me, before.

1.) How do the Storm Troopers tell each other apart? I mean their uniforms are identical.. they also seem to come in only one size. Anyway, what I figure is that their helmets must have some sort of "Heads Up Display" (HUD) ..like in an aircraft, that displays all sorts of information about the person you are talking to. I would imagine, they would have ALL sorts of useful information readily available.. I mean.. name; age; gender; sexual preference; political affiliations; credit score; favorite Beatles album; religious views; and, favorite ice-cream topping.. would be readily available for all to see.

I bet you can even link your information to a "non-storm-trooper-uniform" photo.. So your friends can see what you look like in "civilian" clothes. I'm also certain that each Storm Trooper helmet is equipped with Wi-Fi, for easy access to training materials and Storm Trooper S.O.P.'s. Non-work-related web surfing is cause for banishment to the "Spice Mines of Kessel.. but there's a really "web-savvy" hacker on the third tier who can hook up you up to ESPN.com and YouPorn in exchange for risqué, burlesque-style photos of people's moms...

30 Days and a Wake-Up

To tell you the truth, I'm not really familiar with the "Wake Up & Be Awesome.." challenge. When I thought about this post I was researching a new project and needed some guidance on jail sentencing.. but THAT's neither here nor there.. What's really important is that I stumbled upon that picture, which I'm guessing, is from How I Met Your Mother?? Anyway, the photo reminded me of an old Katt Williams routine...

So much can be taken away from that short clip.. but right now I wanna focus on the part about lying to yourself. While it seems like this concept might go against everything you've been taught.. about lying.. about LOVING who you ARE.. and being content with what you HAVE.. I say we CHALLENGE conventional wisdom.. and for the next 30 Days.. stare in the mirror, every morning, and tell the most egregious lies we can think of... Now in the wise words of Jerry Maguire.. Who's coming with me???

Damn, dude.. Did you lose weight? I thought I was looking at a shirtless Tyrese Gibson...

Why don't you go holler at that hot girl at the vet's office...

Maybe take her to Hawaii.. on your brand new Harley???

If You Build It.. Yada, Yada...

First of all, let me come clean by saying that I've never seen "Field of Dreams".. I do, however, believe that I have a pretty good understanding of the movie.. and that video clip, pretty much sums it up...

All that being said, let me now expand on how much a movie I've never seen.. has changed my life.

"If you build it, they will come..." ..or as I see it.. "THEN, they will come..." Which means that whatever you're working on must be "built" before you can expect anyone to come. W What I've learned is that if there's something you're passionate about all you can do is START BUILDING and worry about whether, "..they come" at a later date.

"If YOU build it.." Tells me that YOU must be prepared to build .....For many years I was paralyzed (..and pissed-off) by the fact that I could never gain any REAL support for any of my ideas. Everyone I spoke to would listen intently.. agree that it was a great idea.. and then, Do Nothing.. which would discourage me into doing nothing, either.

Life Lessons from "Training Day" Pt. 1...

Ok, so I'm testing out a new theory.. I believe that all the answers to life's toughest questions can be found in the movie.. Training Day. Sounds crazy, I know.. but walk with me for a minute...

1. Life really does come down to just, "..Smiles and Cries"

I mean, when it really comes down to it.. everything in life can be put into one of two categories...
"Things that make me HAPPY" and "Things that don't.."

Laugh at My Pain

"Laugh at my pain.." ..Interesting concept. I mean, what if you could, literally, "..laugh at pain?" Now, I don't mean in the hysterical, "..Oh no, my husband's figuring out my on-going love affair with the Pastor.." ..kind of way. No.. THAT shhh would be "Bat-Sh*t Crazy.." and definitely worthy of professional help!

I just don't know, Captain.. I keep asking myself that very question.. SMH

Anyway, getting back on topic.. I don't mean to suggest laughter as a remedy for a situation that requires REAL reflection.. But how about something relatively small?? How about, "..I have a little FAT kid inside me, and whenever HE gets upset I have to FEED him until he's happy.." Now THAT.. That is something to laugh at!!

WOW.. That is offensive!! It's so offensive, I'm going to continue rolling on the floor for several more minutes, in disgust..

But seriously.. If you don't think that's funny, you're probably a Commonist* ..Anyway, next time your inner "Fat Kid" gets out of line.. Just picture His voice coming from the kid in the "REOPARD" hot pants!!!

* Totally "made-up" word

Training...

Unsub #1: ..So I convinced Shorty to let me and my mans give her a massage.. Right? ..Like five-minutes in.. Chick, all of a sudden, jumps up and leaves the room..

Unsub #2: Un huh...

Unsub #1: Yoooo.. THIS CHICK comes back in the room.. butt-@ss nekkid.. with a warm banana and a bottle of Hershey's syrup...

Unsub #2: ..Aww man.. So You're gonna teach me how to do THAT???

Unsub #1: ..Ha haaaa.. My NIGGA

I Believe I Can Fly

Imagine you wake up one morning and by some strange occurrence, you have the ability to fly.. What's the first thing you'd do???

Would you sit around for days, on end.. Trying to figure out how you've gained this amazing ability?

Would you would go for a long walk, to reflect upon what it really means to "fly"??

Maybe you would start an insanely popular blog.. So you can tell ALL your loyal followers how flying has "changed your life.." ..from the comforts of your couch???

..Or would you just say, "..F*#k It" and go fly somewhere?

Stop it!

Excuse Me.. Your Balls are Showing...

In an earlier post I made a statement to the effect of.. Although I had NOT done any research, I was certain that EVERY genius.. at some point in their career.. possessed a set of shiny metal balls. Well now that I have done some research, I can tell you that those balls are called "collision balls" but the entire apparatus.. (i.e the balls, string, and frame, etc.) is better known as "Newton's Cradle". I'm just gonna assume that the "Newton" they refer to is, Sir Isaac Newton.. Which is confirmation of my original statement.. That EVERY genius has owned a set.

Not convinced?? You soon will be, my skeptical friend.. You soon will be!

Allow me to introduce my next piece of evidence. The title of this post is a Jim Carrey quote from one of the Ace Ventura movies.. Now, while it might be widely held that the quote refers to the visibility of the tribesman's testicles.. I believe that it was a different set of "balls" that Ace was referring to. I believe that "out-of-frame" and "off-camera" the tribesman had a set of collision balls rhythmically clicking back and forth. The tribesman, who is OBVIOUSLY the village genius probably felt that the repeated "click-click.. click-click" of the balls is what gives him the ability to solve all of the tribes most puzzling problems.. I mean.. questions like, "Where does the Sun go at night?" and "Where do babies come from?" are probably "no problem" for this tribal scholar and his balls.

The Juice Man, M.D.

This was supposed to be a post about how I don't think we should market health-care the same way we do products on a late-night infomercial.. But this sketch has me all over the place.. I laughed until my stomach hurt. I guess I'll have to save my political "soap-boxing" and "drum banging" for another time.

How I Became a Millionaire by 40... Pt. 1

First of all, let me address the title of this blog.. Sorry to disappoint, or mislead.. but I am, in fact.. NOT Crazy. I do, however, have a crazy way of looking at things.. that often leads me to crazy conclusions.. crazy actions.. and thus, even CRAZIER stories!!!

Okay.. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let us address the title of this post. In my efforts to be completely up-front, and honest.. I must, regrettably, disclose that I am NOT a millionaire.. but I guess that doesn't really matter.. because I'm not forty, either...

Wow.. So this is how You start off your first REAL attempt at a blog? By giving your readers TWO bold-faced lies? What are you.. Crazy???

Well, first of all, there were THREE lies.. but if I really WAS crazy.. Then I only told ONE lie.. and even THAT's not a lie.. unless you got a "Magic 8 Ball" up there, or something? And why am I talking to you, anyway?? I'm not supposed to talk to you...

Ehhh.. Hello?? If anyone's still there.. Let me apologize for that.. and if you don't mind.. Go back and re-read that first paragraph.. ONLY!!! ..and then skip down to the picture below... Thanks, so much!

In my never-ending quest for financial independence I came up with, yet another CRAZY idea, that is.. You guessed it.. Just crazy enough to work.

It all started when I stumbled upon this article... How to Beat Scratch Lottery Tickets on Consumerist.com. The article tells the story of a guy, somewhere, that developed some kind of mathematical strategy for picking scratch-offs, that led to a 90% win rate.. That's right, I said a NINETY PERCENT win rate! To my demise, the article did not exactly give away the secret math formula.. Crazy, right?? All it gave was a vague description involving crossing rows and columns.. there was graph paper.. and a protractor.. and a set of those shiny metal balls, tied to strings that bounce back-and-forth...

Ok, I admit.. those last couple items were made-up.. but didn't they paint such a perfect image of the desktop of a person smart enough to crack a lottery code?? I mean, I haven't done the research, or anything.. but I'm almost certain that EVERY genius has possessed a set of those metal balls, at some point in their career.

Anyway.. once I realized that my fellow Consumerist was not going to reveal the key piece to my "Rich by 40" game plan, I decided that if I was ever going to be rich.. I'd have to go about it my own way...

Using the lottery strategy as my "jumping-off" point.. I started my journey-to-riches at the Georgia Lottery website. After browsing the state's selection of "instant lottery" tickets.. I immediately travel over to MoneyChimp.com to crunch some numbers in their Compound Interest Calculator...

After several grueling minutes of intense research, I came up with the following conclusion...

I would immediately travel to the nearest corner store, with the least amount of "yellow-police-tape"... and purchase three instant lottery tickets. The tickets I chose were: Money Mania, Mad Cash, and Crazy Scratch*...

To be continued... Click HERE for Part II

* Names have been changed to protect the... Pesh

Why Can't We Be Friends?

A few years ago, I lost a very dear friend, while on deployment in Iraq.. But before you pull out the hymnal and start looking for liquor to pour out.. Let me explain...

When I say "lost" I don't mean it in the literal sense that anyone lost their life.. What I mean to say is that she dropped me like a crack habit in court-ordered rehab.. This happened at a time, in my life, where every couple of minutes I was reminded to Thank God for giving insurgents terrible eye-sight (and/or math skills??) ..because for every time I heard the "INCOMING..." alarm.. I rarely heard the EXPLOSION that might have accompanied it. I guess I should also thank the engineers who built and installed the automated defense system.. while I'm in a cheerful mood...

Anyway, what had happened was.. My very dear, FORMER, friend had gotten into an argument with her husband.. at which time Hubby made a feeble attempt at gaining tactical advantage by announcing, "..Oh Yea? Well.. well at least I'M not still friends with 'old boyfriends' on Facebook..."

Ah, Yes.. The old, "Old-Boyfriend (Girlfriend) Friend on Facebook Strategy" strikes again!!! Quick fact: This strategy has been employed so many times, in so many different circumstances, that it was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in Economics for "single-handedly" raising the collective confidence-level of confused-cowards across the globe.*

In all honesty, I totally understand the efforts of anyone forced to modify their social habits, in attempt to maintain a "happy household..." I just wish she'd used more "tact" when she decided to "drop the BOMB" on me. Also, "in all honesty.." ..the way I reacted was nothing short of immature, disrespectful, and clear evidence that maybe she was correct in freeing herself of this "faux-friendship." ..Then again, it was REALLY fun.. and REALLY likely to happen again!

A couple friends and I got together and wrote a song.. "Every Week.." where we each give a "tell all" rendition of a relationship from the past.. Just to give you an idea of how bad it was.. the chorus goes, "...I Used to [Freak**] Her Ev'ry Week..." (3X) "..and then, I was like.. GOODBYE" ..and the "goodbye" was a sample of the old "AOL" log-off voice..

Even in hindsight, I must say that the song was an absolute BLAST to write.. and in the end, I guess I'd say, "..All's well that ends well."

The moral of the story?? Not only is Pesh "crazy" ..He's also "petty", "selfish", and "vengeful..."

* Totally "fake" fact.
** Not "Freak" but.. "F*#k"

Give Me a Lift??

I am proud to say that, as of yet.. I have NOT had to put a pistol to someone's head for trying to take advantage of a kind gesture. That's not saying I didn't WANT to.. but let us still celebrate the fact that, as of this post.. it has not YET happened...

Cash, Grass, or @ss...

We've all been there before, right? Getting ready for a night out with the homies, and when it's time to gas up for the trip.. All of a sudden, it's quiet enough to hear a gnat whisper.. Currently they're having a discussion about how many cumulative "snaps on the petrol.." the driver will be able to collect. One particularly innovative young gnat has started an "over/under" betting pool and is currently laying odds. Smart money would bet on $0.00.. unless negative numbers are in play.. Then you might want to go lower.

I venture to say that we've ALL been in a similar-type situation.. I also venture to say that we ALL just kept quiet, bit the bullet, and gassed-up without so much as a peep from any of the passengers. Why is it so hard to speak up in a situation like this? In a situation where saying something would be completely justified??

I think it comes down to fear.. Fear of appearing "cheap".. Fear of doing anything that could be considered "NOT-Baller." Same thing that has us spending all sorts of money trying to keep up with our "friends" spending habits.. and I use that term loosely.. I don't know about you, but I'll be driving around with three "child seats" from now on.. Well at least until I get the ATM installed...